Scars of Yesterday (Sons of Templar MC Book Book 8) Read online

He hissed, his hands settling on my hips. Then his lips were on mine. And we channeled his anger into three orgasms.

  Chapter 18

  The kids came home after dinner. Kace was in my bedroom taking a shower when they arrived. Lucky, too, since Olive came in to chat, and I was not ready for her to meet him or know that he was in my life. The guilt of my deception settled heavily on my shoulders.

  I didn’t tell her about the snakes. Instead, I thanked her, hugged her and made plans for dinner the following week.

  Luckily, both kids were tired from the food and the activities with their grandmother, so they were ready to go straight to bed.

  Kace was reading Lily a story, Jack was indulging in his allotted one hour of TV time in bed, and I was outside, trying to decompress.

  “What you doing out here?”

  Something draped around my shoulders, despite there only being the faintest hint of winter in the air. I liked the chill. Something creeping into my bones, reminding me that I was alive.

  But then there was the man who liked me, the one who wanted to protect me from even the slightest chill in the air, despite him knowing that I’d survived well below zero in my past.

  Kace sat down beside me, handing me a mug. It felt warm in my palms.

  I glanced to him. “You made tea?”

  He shrugged, his own mug in his hand.

  Something warm moved over me, and it had nothing to do with the tea. “Bex is going to love that,” I murmured.

  Kace chuckled but didn’t say anything else. He’d asked his question, giving me the option of answering or sitting in silence. It seemed to me he was over his earlier fury toward me.

  I sipped my tea. “I like to sit out here sometimes,” I answered finally. “Listening to the sounds of the neighbors. The crickets. The birds. Watching the sky. Listening in on people living normal, carefree lives. Even though I can’t see them. I don’t want to see them. I just like to hear them, be an audial voyeur for a while. It’s nice. Gives me hope that normal is real. Normal can happen around me, even if it won’t happen to me.” I smiled. “I guess it’s my version of meditation.”

  Kace wasn’t smiling back at me. “You don’t think normal is gonna happen to you?” he repeated.

  I arched a brow at him. “Honey, I just had someone put a crap-ton of snakes in my underwear drawer, that’s not exactly something that happens to Suzie Teller.”

  “Who the fuck is Suzie Teller?”

  “I went to high school with her. We were friends. Kind of. She was a bit of a bitch. But in a teenage girl type of way. She grew up just fine. Married the boyfriend she met in college. He owns a construction business. They live on the other side of town. Our kids play sometimes. She brought over a lot of casseroles when Ranger died. But she made a point to keep her distance, you know? From me, from the club. Didn’t want to cause any offense, of course, but she didn’t want my lifestyle to rub off on her. Her husband didn’t get shot to death. And I’m pretty sure if she got her brakes cut or found snakes in her underwear drawer, it would be a big fucking deal. For me it’s just another Tuesday.”

  I didn’t sound like I was feeling sorry for myself. At least I really hoped I didn’t. Because I wasn’t. This was the life I’d chosen. For whatever reason, someone wanted to hurt me, scare me. I fucking hated that because of what it might do to my kids, but I wasn’t all that scared for me. Wasn’t even all that surprised.

  My mug was no longer in my hand.

  Kace was no longer sitting beside me.

  He was on his knees in front of me, clutching my neck.

  “Is that what you think?” he hissed. “That all life has for you is death and violence? That you’re never going to have normal, happy life?”

  I let out a heavy sigh, surprised at how angry he’d gotten. “Look at my life. You see anything to prove me wrong?”

  “I’m gonna prove you wrong,” he declared. “This shit is gonna end, and when it does, we’re gonna do normal shit. Go to Costco. Have brunch. Whatever the fuck normal people do. You’ll get that. Until you get bored. And you will get bored, baby.” His eyes flared, hands stroking my jaw. “Then we’ll go back to fucking in the club bathroom. Riding down the coast. Living the outlaw life you were born for.”

  I blinked at Kace. Once. Twice. Then I looked around the backyard my husband had created for me.

  “I can’t fall in love again,” I murmured, meeting his eyes, making my gaze cold and my voice indifferent.

  He didn’t blink at the look nor the words. Nothing showed on his face. “Okay,” he replied.

  “I’m serious,” I snapped, somehow annoyed at the mild response even though that was supposedly what I’d wanted. “You need a young heart for love. One without scars and marks. Mine isn’t young anymore. Not by a long shot.” My voice hitched ever so slightly. “I’m not a person who can love now. You need to understand that moving forward, if we’re going to be public with this. It can work for however long it works. But that’s what this is. This is something that’s always going to be this. I’m not going to fall in love with you.”

  He was quiet for a long time. Or what seemed like a long time for us. Seconds yawned into hours when conversations like this happened with Kace. When I let him through the cracks, letting him brush past all my broken pieces.

  “I’m not arguing, babe,” he tilted his head to the side.

  “You’re not?”

  He shook his head. “We don’t really have time to argue about this kind of shit when someone’s trying to cause you harm. That’s my focus right now. You can feel however you wanna feel. It’s my goal to make sure that you’re alive to feel it. I’m going hunting. First thing tomorrow.”

  Something moved in my chest. Something cold and painful. “You’re not going hunting,” I exclaimed.

  “Someone’s fuckin’ with you. Right now, we don’t know who they are, what their intentions are. What we do know is that they’ve entered your house. Where you sleep, where your children sleep. So I don’t give a fuck what their intentions are. All I care about is making sure they forget your name at the least. Ideally that they forget to breathe.”

  I wasn’t really focusing on his promises of death and murder. I was used to such things. In fact, I expected them. That was the way of this life. It was hard at first. To see death and violence used as currency. Giving us things and taking them away. Having violence be the first reaction. Retaliation. But like with everything else, I got used to it. Surrounded by enough of things, even the most horrible of things, they become normal. Beyond that, I wanted blood. Kace was right, whoever this was knew where I lived. Knew my routines. Knew about my kids. My conscience could handle this person being dealt with if it meant my children weren’t in danger.

  So none of that bothered me.

  What needed further discussion was the first part.

  “Old Lady?” I repeated. There was no hiding from it now.

  Some of that alpha male fury left Kace’s face. “Yeah, babe. In case you haven’t noticed, we sleep together every night. We’re no longer a secret. I have breakfast with your kids. I love your kids. You’re on the back of my bike. Know you’ve been in this life long enough to know what that means. Also know that you’ve only been in this life belonging to someone else. Expecting to be theirs forever. So I know it fucks you up to hear me call you that. Know you got one hundred and one things to say about it too. All of them arguments. I hear them. I get you. I know you. If you don’t want me to be your Old Man, I get it. But you are my Old Lady. So I’m going hunting. Now, I’m gonna let you sit out here. Stew. But not for long. I’ll be in bed waiting for you.”

  He kissed me hard on the lips before turning and walking away, leaving no room for arguments.

  We attended our first club party together as a couple.

  It was damn near impossible to hide it after the snake incident. And I didn’t want to hide anymore. There was no point, really. Not with the kids knowing. I didn’t want to create any kind of emotional b
ullshit with them, thinking they had to keep secrets about relationships. Didn’t want to teach them that loss meant your life ended and that happiness wasn’t possible.

  At the same time, I didn’t want them to think that their father was forgotten or that he hadn’t meant the world to me. It was a thin fucking tightrope to walk, but that was life. That was motherhood.

  I’d never been comfortable with PDA, plus I still wasn’t uncomfortable in this new skin. With old memories merging always into the present. Ranger’s ghost lurking. It felt strange but not wrong.

  No one treated us like it was wrong, of course. There were plenty of grins. The men seemed to be happy about the pairing, but I was sure there were also warnings of death and dismemberment should Kace fuck with me. A punishment that he’d surely been well aware of before he’d started up with me.

  The beers I’d drank before leaving home helped with my feelings of unease. Then the margaritas Amy made. Kace had one beer then switched to soda, since we were with the kids. He encouraged me to have fun. It was jarring, to be part of a couple again. A team. Where one could get a little tipsy knowing the other was sober enough to deal with any kind of scrapes or emergencies with the children, able to drive everyone home.

  It scared me. A lot. Knowing what it was like to have that taken away, losing that half you’d learned to rely on. I wanted to push him away. Wanted to run from this. But I kept my feet on solid ground. Kace’s hand sliding into mine, anchoring me.

  “As much as I want to keep you here, getting tipsy so I can fuck my woman drunk later on, the kids are getting tired, and this party will become X-rated in another hour or so,” Kace murmured in my ear.

  A quick glance around told me he was right. Everyone who’d brought kids were rounding them up and piling them into various vehicles. The music was getting louder now, and the handful of members who were unattached—slightly more now due to the infusion of new patches after the war—getting drunker. The club girls would arrive shortly, of course, only after every child was gone. It wasn’t dark yet, but it would be soon. It had been a long day. The kids had been running around, eating, enjoying the company of their extended family.

  But they were getting that sleepy look that any parent could see. Apparently, Kace saw it too.

  “Yes, we need to go,” I agreed, leaning into him slightly because tequila made me forget I was supposed to be easing into this.

  I caught Mia’s eye, and she grinned stupidly, giving me two thumbs up. I couldn’t help but grin stupidly back at her.

  Because I was happy. Stupidly so.

  We got the kids home, fed them a snack because they’d eaten junk at the barbeque all day. They went to bed easily, tired as they were. It was getting to the point that they were used to Kace being there. Being part of the nighttime routine. The morning routine too.

  They knew nothing of the potential danger their mother was in. I planned to keep it that way. So it was better that they thought Kace was here because we were together—though I hadn’t exactly had that talk with them—than he was protecting me from an unknown psychopath.

  The club was on high alert. Kace had made his visit to Edmond. I hadn’t tried to stop it. Knew I couldn’t. Plus, Edmond deserved something, for thinking it was okay to put his hands on a woman. I thought I had reacted pretty well when Lauren told me she’d seen him at the café with one hell of a shiner.

  Kace had bruises on his knuckles after the visit. I hadn’t asked about them.

  Beyond Edmond, they had no leads on who might’ve been after me. There wasn’t exactly a long list of people with active grudges against the Sons. Sure, we had enemies, but none stupid enough to pull this kind of shit. None cowardly enough either.

  We had a brand-new security system installed. Top of the line, according to Wire. Kace, or whoever was with me at the time, did a walk-through of the house before we entered. A prospect on me whenever I left the house, when I went grocery shopping or did anything. I carried a gun in my purse too.

  But I wasn’t scared. Wasn’t going to stop living my life. Stop moving forward. Over the years, I’d learned how to carry on, despite whatever was brewing with the club.

  “You have fun today, babe?” Kace asked, opening the fridge for a beer.

  I was leaning against the breakfast bar, a beer of my own in hand. I’d sobered, putting the kids to bed, but I really liked the idea of tipsy sex with Kace.

  “I had a lot of fun today,” I replied honestly.

  Something moved in his face, something intense. A glimpse into the feelings he had for me maybe. Then again, he’d made never made qualms about hiding that. How much he wanted to be in my life. In my kids’ lives.

  “I’m glad, Lizzie,” he said, voice quiet.

  “We’re public now,” I proclaimed. Then I thought of my mother-in-law, my parents, still ignorant to my new relationship. My stomach lurched at that thought. “To the club, at least.”

  “You feel okay about that?” he cocked his head, waiting for my reply.

  I nodded slowly. Sure, there were a lot of feelings I still had to wade through. And I still hadn’t let him in, not fully, not yet. But I was trying. “I think I am.”

  “No less than five women have threatened to gut me ‘medieval style’ if I hurt you,” he shared.

  I raised my brow. “That didn’t scare you off?”

  “Oh, it scared me plenty. Since I knew that none of them were speaking in any kind of metaphorical way. But scare me off?” He shook his head. “I’m definitely brave enough to face the wrath of your protective friends. Mostly because I have no intention of hurting you.”

  “No one ever usually intends to hurt people,” I countered. “Not in relationships, at least. But it tends to happen, one way or another. Romantic entanglements are nothing but pain and suffering with orgasms in between to distract you.”

  Kace made a choking sound, as I said that just as he’d taken a pull of his beer. He coughed and thumped on his chest before recovering. “Well, that’s certainly one way of putting it. A little jaded.”

  I gave him a look. “Honey, I’m forty and already a widow with two kids and some unknown person trying to kill me. I think I’m entitled if not required to be a little jaded.”

  “I can’t disagree with you there,” he replied, stepping forward. My stomach dipped at his closeness. At the glint in his eyes. Something that I’d seen in passing since we’d been spending time together but not something he’d ever kept on his attractive face for long. Likely because he didn’t want to push me, was being respectful or whatever. It looked like he had decided that he no longer wanted to be respectful.

  I definitely wasn’t mad about that, but I was terrified.

  “But,” he continued advancing. “There’s one thing that comes out of romantic entanglements...”

  My back found the wall as I realized I’d been retreating.

  “Orgasms,” he whispered, mouth inches from mine. His hands settled on my hips, firm, burning through skin and bone to the core of me. “And I happen to be excellent at giving them.”

  The one place that Kace didn’t come with me to were the dinners with Evie. I wasn’t ready for that yet. That was something that was mine. Mine and the kids. I still needed that time with her. Still needed to talk to her about all of this shit.

  I sensed she still needed it too. No matter how hard and strong she seemed on the outside, she was still a woman who’d lost the love of her life, who’d had to adjust to an entirely different life. There was pain there.

  Misery.

  And misery did love company.

  “Do you blame them?” I asked her, watching the sun set. “The club? The life, for taking Steg?”

  Evie chuckled. “Blame the club? No. Nothing took Steg but his choices. And my own. Made that same choice you did when Ranger got the patch. Was plenty young, but not stupid. I knew what I was getting myself into. Was fairly sure that I wouldn’t get to grow old with my husband. I’m surprised we got the years we did. That he
got to meet his grandchildren, got at least a taste of being an Old Man.” She looked to me. “Do you blame the club?”

  “I want to,” I admitted. “It would be so much easier to blame the club. To hate everyone and everything connected to it. To hate the patch. It would’ve been the most rational thing to do. Sensible mothering would have had me moving out of Amber, taking my kids away from their father’s legacy and settling into a safer kind of life.”

  I’d thought about it enough, hadn’t I? Gone so far as researching schools, rentals in other area, looking at our finances to figure out how far we could go, what we could get, where I’d have to work. It had almost happened so many times. But I hadn’t had the spine. The heart.

  Evie didn’t say anything in response. She knew what was obvious. Had I been strong enough, smart enough, I would’ve done that already.

  “But I can’t do it,” I continued. “Can’t leave. We wouldn’t fit in to any other kind of life. My kids have the gift of having this family. One where people die for each other. Ranger died for this club. It would be a disservice to his memory and his life if I blamed the club.”

  She reached over to squeeze my hand in an uncharacteristic sign of tenderness.

  “He’d be proud of you, baby. Stepping up like this. I’m proud of you. For finding yourself. For finding a different life, with a different man.”

  “I’m not quite sure if I’ve found a different life with him,” I argued. “We’re still... figuring things out.”

  She chuckled. “Figure things out all you want, Lizzie. It’ll surely take you another lifetime.”

  I really hoped it didn’t.

  That’s what I told myself, at least.

  Because part of me, a small part—growing larger by the day—really hoped I had another lifetime with Kace.

  “It’s too early,” I groaned.

  Kace’s lips were on my neck. Which I would’ve loved at any other time, even at the butt crack of dawn, but he was fully clothed, and that meant my chances at morning sex were slim to none.